Tuesday, May 13, 2014

DVD Review: POSEIDON REX (2013) [Anderson Digital]

Poseidon Rex (2013)
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The Movie


POSEIDON REX has been accused of trying to ride the coattails of the popularity of another absurd monster movie featuring water and sea creatures eating people (cough – SHARKNADO – cough), but I think that’s unfair. Sure, the movie is a far cry from the Hollywood heyday of Director Mark Lester (COMMANDO, FIRESTARTER), and yes, the CGI is ridiculous, the acting is bad, and the premise is absurd. However, let’s not forget that companies like The Asylum and SyFy have been churning out movies like this long before SHARKNADO. Hell, Roger Corman was producing movies like POSEIDON REX decades ago, and like a lot of Corman’s productions, this one is quite a bit of schlocky fun.

The official synopsis of the film goes something like this:

A small, secluded island off the coast of Belize suddenly finds itself terrorized by a deadly predator from the planet’s distant past, when deep-sea divers accidentally awaken an ancient evil. Jackson Slate and his team of underwater cave explorers unearth much more than long-lost Mayan treasure while plumbing the depths of a world famous blue hole. They disturb a creature that’s been hibernating for over 60,000 years - a rampaging behemoth of death and destruction not only at sea but also on land.
If you can’t tell from the above description, I sincerely doubt that POSEIDON REX was ever meant to be taken seriously. It probably started life as another film that was pitched as a “SyFy Original” or intended to go direct to video (a la The Asylum), but SHARKNADO’s sudden popularity changed that. Mike Mendez’s BIG ASS SPIDER also went a similar route, and while this movie is not quite as fun as that one, it’s still a lot better than most of the stuff we see premiering on SyFy.

I hesitate to say that POSEIDON REX is “so bad that it’s good” because, ultimately, a movie is either entertaining or it’s not. I can however say that despite less-than-stellar performances, some laughable CGI, and ridiculous plot points, POSEIDON REX never bored me. Sure, it’s not as fantastically awesome as its poster would insinuate, but when are these types of movies ever that good?


To be fair, though, unlike The Asylum – whose cover art generally has loads of things that aren’t ever in the actual movie – POSEIDON REX does in fact give us a giant aquatic dinosaur, explosions, helicopter battles, people running and screaming, etc. In other words, the poster’s not a lie, it just looks cooler than the actual execution.


The movie’s only real fault is that too much time is spent on the ridiculous story about the treasure, but that’s understandable, as the filmmakers need something to pad the running time (which is still just over 90 min). Would I have liked more monster action? Of course! However, I can understand that that was probably out of the budget for the movie, and as is often the case, the film has greater ambitions than it achieves.


Still, Lester does a competent job directing the film, and the actors are all likeable enough. Plus, intentional or not, the movie made me laugh a lot, and that’s something that I always have to factor into the equation. Based on that point alone, I definitely feel comfortable recommending people check out POSEIDON REX. Hell, if you’ve read this far, then you obviously know what you’re getting, and it’s probably along the lines of what you want. It’s not Shakespeare; it’s a giant fucking aquatic T-Rex, girls in bikinis, machine guns, explosions, and bad Jamaican accents. Oh, and by the way, I have no idea why there were so many Jamaicans in Mexico… I’m not going to argue, though.


Movie Score

2/5







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